


Canvases And Brushes

by rarsa_black



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Artist Steve, Bad Boy Billy, Boys In Love, F/M, Insecure Steve, M/M, Secretly Sweet Billy, Shy Steve, Talented Steve, cute Steve, good Billy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:58:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarsa_black/pseuds/rarsa_black
Summary: Steve has always liked drawing. It was the only thing he was good at, the only escape in this big empty house. He had never shared this part of him with anyone but then he met Nancy and she was so beautiful steve had to draw her. She said yes and since then she would always model for him and Steve would draw her. People thought they were dating, always spending time together and staying over at each other houses. Sure they were close friends however they never dated. Steve was content with that, he was satisfied. But then Billy Hargrove showed up and all Steve wanted to do is draw those ocean blue eyes.





	Canvases And Brushes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I hope you like this fic. It's a one-shot but it's a bit long so I'm doing it in 2 parts. Warning: English is not my first language so I apologize if this is cringy and all the Harringrove shit happens in the next part sorry!.

He lightly dragged the pencil across the page drawing a faint circle. _That's the face_ Steve thought. He made a horizontal line below it for the chin. Steve looked at it then at Nancy who was looking out of the window of his living room. He erased it then did it again, s _he has a wider chin_ he told himself. He drew faint lines through the face making guidelines and drew her eyes in the cinter.

What Steve liked to draw about Nancy were her eyes. She had the prettiest doe eyes They were wide and innocent, the darkest shade of blue he had ever seen. When she gets angry they turn almost black. Steve took his sweet time drawing the eyes. Focusing on every little detail trying his hardest to capture Nancy's eyes in the perfect moment. It was almost impossible to do them justice but Steve will do his best.

His eyes kept going back and forth between Nancy and the sketchbook. The repeated action was forming a headache but Steve ignored it. Baby Jane was playing in the background and Nancy was singing the lyrics softly to herself. Steve extend two lines where the inner corners of each eye are located. He started with a circle, resting it between the two lines. He kept drawing and erasing till he was satisfied with the noes.

When he looked up again Nancy had moved. Steve groaned.

"No, no. Go back the way you were.".

Nancy moved again "Like this?" she asked frozen afraid she'll move again.

Steve frowned "Tilled your head to the right a bit........yes. Wait, look up.......a bit more.....stop!". He continued drawing her. It was a slow process due to all the attention he put in every detail. _It'll be worth it, in the end,_ Steve told himself.

Drawing made him feel alive. It's the only thing he was good at, the only thing that made him hate himself less. All his life Steve felt like he was not enough. No matter what he did His parents never gave him a second glance. He learned how to play the piano but all they did is tell him he could do better. He played basketball but they never bothered to be home for his games or ask how did he do. He tried soccer, volleyball, drama club and creative writing. Nothing worked he somehow was never good enough. They always brought him down, treated him like he was stupid. That is if they were ever home. As soon as Steve was old enough to take care of himself they went out of town for months only to stay for a week or two and hit the road again.

However, when he discovered he was a good artist he kept it to himself. He didn't want to share it with anyone. He had enough of people telling him he can do better, that what he was doing was not good enough. Steve wanted to be selfish for once and believe he can do just this one thing right even if he wasn't.

Nancy had found out about his talent by accident.

_She had come over to his house to hang out and study. After they studied for a while they decided to take a break and hang out in the pool. Nancy was sitting on the edge with her legs in the water looking at them with so much interest that Steve couldn't help himself, he had to draw her and he did. He sat on one of the chairs in front of her on the other side and drew her on his biology notebook. Time passed and Steve didn't notice her approaching him till she talked._

" _This is beautiful," Nancy whispered from above him._

_Steve jumped "Jesus, Nancy!"_

_"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." she chuckled._

_"It's alright. I wasn't paying attention that's all."_

_"I can see that. Steve, this is beautiful! I didn't know you could draw."_

_"No one knows, and this is nothing."_

_She gaped at him. "This is not, 'nothing'. You have a talent." Nancy told him._

_"Thank you? I guess."_

_Instead of continuing studying that day, they had a long talk and Steve opened up to Nancy like no one in his life. From that talk, they had come to an agreement. Being the good friend she is Nancy had offered to model for him whenever he wanted to draw. That blossomed into a beautiful friendship._

Footloose started playing in the background and Steve was almost done. He was applying the finishing touches to her hair. He had spent a good 3 hours on this one and he was proud of it. Usually, it would take longer but since he chose to draw with pencil and relay on shading rather than use colors it didn't take that long.

Nancy had long forgotten about staying still and was dancing to the song. It was fine though, he was mostly done. Steve added more shade to her hair. He made it darker on the edges and lighter in the middle. He then added freckles on her nose and cheeks and was done. As soon as he placed the pencil and sketchbook down Nancy dragged him into her little dance party. She had both of his hands in her's and she pushed him back and forth doing some pretty good footwork. Her giggles filled the room and Steve couldn't help but join in on the fun.

  
They danced till the end of the song then fell to the couch laughing and trying to catch their breaths. Being friends with Nancy was the best, it made him feel less alone. Because when she leaves he will be all alone again in this big empty house. Just him and four walls that will eventually drive him insane. All was good for now, Steve was content and satisfied. Until he wasn't.

No more than a month later Billy moved into town. Mysterious, angry Billy with beautiful sad eyes got in the picture and suddenly Nancy wasn't his muse anymore. Billy was different, something new. Nancy's beauty had an element of innocent and oblivious. Nancy didn't know how beautiful she was, she never used it to her advantage. On the other hand, Billy was a bad boy with a cigaret in his mouth. A perfect body, fit and masculine. Billy knew how handsome he was and he used it to charm his way into everyone's heart. He was the broken kind of beauty. His soul was scared and his heart broken just like Steve. However, _Billy unlike you was one hell of an eye candy_ Steve thought.

After Billy had shown up everything changed. Steve couldn't draw anymore, he just couldn't. Whenever he tried he would end up tearing the page to pieces. He felt like he was 10 again trapped in a big house alone swallowed by the darkness. He couldn't draw and let out some energy. He couldn't express himself. He was 10 insecure and alone (in his mind). There was a buzz under his skin, a pull, a need to draw but not just anything he needed to draw Billy's sad eyes. His beautiful light blue eyes with long thick lashes.

The blue of Billy's eyes reminded Steve of the ocean. Steve had seen it a couple of times in his childhood. When he was too young to leave behind with a full-time nanny and his parents had to take him with them to California, New York, and Florida. His parents would go do their work and have their dinner parties and he would spend the day with a different part-time nanny every day. There was one day though, one single day where his parents spent the day with him on the beach under the sun playing with a beach ball and swimming in the ocean water. It was the only good memories he had of them. He remembered it in Billy's eyes.

Billy singled him out from day one. He harassed him and tried picking up fights with him. He was too close or too far. Billy was a storm in every sense of the word and Steve couldn't have enough. It hurts, but he liked it. He felt better when Billy insulted him, shoved him hard, gave him a hard time or hit him like the time at the Byers house. He felt alive, noticed from the sea of people in this old town. He hates Billy for the way he treats him and for the way he makes him feel. Yet what he hates more is himself. Steve hates himself for letting it reach this far. Forgetting to the point where Billy Hargrove was toxic that runs through his veins, he is addicted to him.

Depression got the most of him. Since Billy's arrival, he had gotten into several fights with Nancy. They were mostly about the boy but sometimes they weren't. With the entire population of the school and some of the town inhabitants thinking that they are dating it didn't help his mood at all. He felt hunted, heavy with demons that are suffocating him. Steve tried forgetting about it, about Billy and drawing altogether. It seemed like a silly reason to quit because it was, still, Steve didn't care. _I'm fine_ he kept telling himself over and over after waking up from nightmares in cold sweat. When the days pass in a blur and he remembers nothing. When his body doesn't feel like his own and more of a corpse. _I'm fine_ Steve kept telling himself. _I'm fine_.

It was a lie, he knew it. Nancy knew it. Jonathan did too. So did the kids. They stayed quiet and he did too. They didn't address the elephant in the room. Nobody spoke the words hanging over their heads. For a while, they all pretended that it was okay. They turned a blind eye to his state and he did the same to the petty in their eyes. It wouldn't last for long, Steve knew. One of them ought to explode soon and it wasn't him.

  
Steve wasn't surprised when an angry Nancy almost broke down his door one Sunday evening demanding he opened it.

"Open the god damn door, Steve!" Nancy yelled banging on the door.

 

**Bang.**

**Bang.**

**Bang.**

**Band.**

 

"Jesus Christ, Nancy. Calm down!" Steve told her when he opened the door.

Nancy ignored him. She walked right passed Steve into the living room.

"Gee, I'm fine, thanks for asking!" Steve teased.

"No, you're not," she whispered.

Steve sat down on the couch and sighted already knowing whats coming. Nancy would yell and try finding out whats wrong with him. She would give him a lecture and help him set things right Becuase that's the type of person she was.

"You're not fine steve. Something is wrong with you. Whatever it is we're going to fix it. I refuse to watch you waste away!. Just look at you!." she yelled pointing at him. "You haven't smiled in ages fuck you haven't drawn in months!"

"I........I just lost my muse. I can't draw anymore." Steve told her.

She gasped.

"Is that it? is that is why you're letting yourself wast away?" Nancy asked.

"See I knew you wouldn't understand. You think this is silly, don't you? It's not logical to you that not being able to draw can make me like this! You can't comprehend it." Steve yelled. He took a deep breath at the sight of her shocked face. _I don't want to hurt you_ , he said to himself. "You don't understand Nancy, its the only thing that I'm good at, the only escape I have. Without it, I feel like I'm choking on my emotions," he whispered the last part his voice cracking at the end. His eyes stung him with unshed tears that he refuses to shed. _You will not make me cry Billy Hargrove_ , Steve told himself.

Nancy's eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed. Steve watched the anger leave her body, gone without a trace. She took a deep breath and sat down next to him. He could practically see the gears in her head turning. She's studying the situation trying to find the perfect way to approach the problem and solve it.

"You're right. This is all so silly to me, I don't understand. I need logic, foundation or at least roles to follow. I don't know what you're feeling or understand it. I'm not an artistic person and I don't know how muse or inspiration works. But Steve I'll do my best to help you." Nancy said taking his hands in hers. She gave him a sad look like he was some caged animal and Steve hated it.

He looked away and retrieved his hands from her hands. "There is nothing you can do about it Nancy just forget it."

"There is always something to do, Steve."

"Not this time okay, just let it be."

"Come on I'll help you look for your muse!" She said excitedly. 

"Muse is not something you look for, Nancy." Steve said annoyed suddenly "Its something you feel." he thought about Billy's sad eyes and he felt it, the need.

"See this is a start, we don't look for muse, we feel it!. Now, how about we retrace your steps. What did you draw so far?."

Steve rolled his eyes and huffed in irritation. _Play along and she'll go away_ , he thought. Steve felt bad for wanting to get rid of her but he couldn't help it. Nancy is starting to get on his nerves. All he wanted to do is be depressed and cray alone while eating ice cream and watch The Woman in Red.

"Well................at first I started drawing flowers and butterflies. Then I drew you on my bio notebook. It was my first time drawing a person. I like drawing you. You're really beautiful, I love your eyes an-" Nancy was blushing hard and Steve just noticed his words and coughed awkwardly "Anyway, then I drew Will at the Byers house. The party was playing D&D at Will's and I was watching them for the night. Ater that they wanted to watch a movie and in the middle of it he was out of it. Will was lost in thought and he looked hunted. There was something about his facial expression that made want to draw him, so, I did. He reminded me a lot of myself. Later I did Johane, He was sitting on the porch looking at stars all sad and tearful and I felt it again the need to draw him and I did. I don't think either of them knew I drew them."

All through his speech Nancy was listening carefully nodding her head and frowning. She paid close attention to every word he said. Steve could almost see the plan fall into place in her eyes. Nancy was an easy book to read.

"So, you like drawing people. For some reason, you can't draw any more?"

"Yes."

"Maybe your sick of us. Try drawing other people." She said as if this would solve everything.

"Didn't work."

Nancy frowned.

"Something other than people?"

Steve shook his head.

"Kids?"

"No."

"Oh." Nancy was lost, out of ideas Steve could tell. For once, a problem good girl Nancy cant solve. What a day in history. He looked at her studying her face, The face that he drew a million time and can probably draw in his sleep, waiting for the realization to sink in. He waited for her to realize there was nothing she can do. It never did, instead, her eyes widened and she gasped quietly. Her face flushed and she was blushing hard.

  
"Do you want to draw naked people? I completely understand if you do. it's weird I'm not going to lie but I understand-"

"Wow, Nancy!."

"it's an artistic need, I get it. I'm your friend Steve you don't have to feel ashamed to come to me in times like this i-"

"Nancy!"

She stopped talking.

"I don't want to draw you naked."

"Then who? Will? I think that's illegal and if it wasn't Will would say no, definitely. Oh, and Joyce she-"

"NO! I don't want to draw Will naked! Jesus Christ, Nancy."

"Oh don't tell me, Jonathan? I don't think he'll mind if it's you. He has always been so protective of you since we became all friends."

"I DON'T WANT TO DRAW NAKED PEOPLE!" Steve yelled at her. Nancy flinched and looked hurt. He felt bad for yelling but she brought it upon herself, seriously, naked people?

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

They sat in silence. Nancy was thinking of other things Steve could draw and Steve was thinking of ways to forget Billy and his stupid eyes. He made a small list:  
1) Get drunk.  
2) Passout from alcohol.

That's all he could come up with. They were both bad ideas and he knew it. He could see them ending badly but at this point all Steve wanted to do is forget.

"Did you try animals?" Nancy asked softly.

"Yes, Dustin's cat. Not a good idea, too hairy."

Silence.

"Natural landscapes? woods, sea or the sky?"

"Not interested."

"How about things from your imagination? or you can tr-"

"Drop it, Nancy! I'm not interested in anything."

Nancy frowned at him. Steve could feel her eyes staring right into his soul. _Maybe I'm an open book to her too_ , he thought. Her frown turned to a glare. She was angry.

 

"You know what you want to drow, or rather who, don't you?."

"W-what! no!"

"Yes, you do! I can tell when you lie."

"I do not lie-"

"Stop lying! you know but you don't want to draw whoever it is, why?"

Steve said nothing.

"Is it someone we know? you don't want to look weird? is it Hopper?"

"That's enough Nancy drop it!"

"No. Tell me who?" Nancy said stubbornly. That's it, there is no running away from telling her. Steve could see it in her eyes. The determination in her eyes was crystal clear and when Nancy wheeler wants something she damn gets it.

  
Steve felt trapped. He didn't want to tell her anything but he wouldn't put it passed Nancy to stay put till he tell's her who it is. Still, he doesn't want to expose that part of himself to her. The weak and needy part of him. The part of him that is addicted to Billy. The part of him that needed the boy like any other human being needed air to breathe. He needed Billy to feel less than dead inside. It scared him to death to think someone like Billy has this power over him. The world is so unfair and cruel Steve thinks.

  
The buzz under his fingertips is so hard to ignore. Steve feared if he overlooked it again his hands would bleed. He needed this, he needed to draw Billy, _he needed Billy._

 

Steve couldn't name his feelings towards the boy. At first, it was pure hate. A burning fair of despise that never seemed to end. Somewhere in between when Steve started to notice Billy some of that emotion turned into lust. It was the way Billy carries himself, so confident and mighty like he was the king of the god damn world and the way he gets so close to Steve pressed against him at practice so close to feeling every breath that leaves his mouth and the heat his body gives. So close to drawning in but never doing something about it, never being touched. Then it was just lust, raging lust with a full force need that left him chocking. Steve was fine with it really. He was fine with lusting over Billy. He was fine with fantasizing about Billy's body. Imagining the way his rough big hands would pin him down, the way they spread his legs open. Steve had stayed many nights awake wondering how would Billy's fingertips feel tracing his skin, how would his lips feel against his own and how would he feel buried deep inside of him. He didn' know when his fantasies turned to waking up to ocean blue eyes and closing his eyes to them at night, late night movies on the couch in his muscline arms or breakfast in bed on Saturday mornings, It just did. There was a small voice in the back of his head that keeps saying _you want to be his_ but Steve never paid attention to it. Could it be true? could he really want to be with Billy that way? _yes_ , the voice said.

 

Love? could it be?

  
"Steve?"

Nancy's voice brought him out of his thoughts. It was hesitant and wary. He looked at her still not completely comprehending his recent discovery. Her eyes were wide and sad. Could he have said his thoughts out loud?

"Your crying," she said once she realized he was confused.

Steve touched his face to find it wet with salty tears. Damn it! he tould himself he won't cry because of Billy Hargrove. Pathetic really.

  
"Look, Steve, this is clearly troubling you. I want to help. I can't stand watching you like this, please, let me help." Nancy said. The sincerity in her voice and the love he sees in her eyes was enough to give him courage.

  
"Billy," Steve whispered.

"Come again." she looked at him with wide eyes. She heard him, was she looking for a confirmation?

"Billy, Billy Hargrove is my muse. I want, no, I need to draw him and nothing else."

  
Nancy laughed, tears ran down her cheeks.

Steve blushed heard. He was embarrassed, was she laughing at him?

  
"Sorry, I just.....c-couldn't......h-help it!" she said between giggles. "Damn it, nothing is easy with you Steve. Life really is a bitch."

  
"Yeah, thanks for the reminder, dear friend," Steve said sarcastically glaring at Nancy. She sent him an apologetic look.

Steve let out a heavy sight, he was exhausted. The buzz and the need along with wild emotions that roomes his heart freely breaking everything in its path they weakened his body and soul.

"Hey, I'm sorry for laughing. I wasn't making fun of you or something. It was a bit of a dark comedy, that's all. I promised to help and I will. Billy will model for you just you wait." she said softly.

"No, he won't." Steve shook his head heatedly.

"Yes, he will. We just need to know how to approach him."

"No, he won't because we will not ask him!" Steve said his voice final.

"What? Why? Don't you want to draw him?" Nancy asked confused.

"Yes, i do!" Steve said annoyed "I just don't want to get laughed at!"  

"You won't get laughed at!"

"Yes, I will. Billy is an asshole, a big jerk and he will laugh at me for suggesting he models for me. If that is not good enough of a reason to you, I don't want to share that part of me with anyone else. Drawing is very private to me. I don't want people knowing about it. If Billy caught a wind of it all of Hawkins will know by tomorrow."

"Hey cut the guy some slack. He may be a jerk but he's not a child okay. He won't go running his mouth off." Nancy said.

"You're defending him now?" Steve asked defensively.

"What? no, of curse no. I'm just stating facts. Look it won't turn as bad as you imagen. The worst that can happen is him saying no."

"you do-"

"Just give it a shot Steve. You clearly need this. If it makes you feel better, offer him money for his services, like a part-time job or something."

"T-that's not a bad idea," Steve said.

When Nancy had left that night Steve laid in bed thinking everything over. Did he really want to do this? no, not even a little bit. However, he can't live his life wondering what would have happened if he had asked Billy. Could this be the start of something with Billy? a friendship at lest. Could this be his clarity? Could seeing Billy's dark side help him forget? could drawing him once be all he needs? Steve felt dizzy from all the questions that filled his head. He was drowning in a sea of "what ifs" that formed a thousand of possibility. He will ask Billy on monday. 

When Steve closed his eyes that night he dreamt of Billy's hands on his body. Of drowning in his ocean blue eyes.

 

 

 


End file.
